Thursday, July 06, 2006
Nazareth didn't look too promising either...
Considering I only have about a week and a half before I leave for California, you'd think I'd be a little more excited/nervous/anxious (as Thomas said). But to be honest I haven't really thought about it much. Or mabye I've just been ignoring my impending departure because I tend to resist change sometimes and I want to enjoy life right now where I am. Whichever it is, perhaps the reason I don't feel any anxiety is that God has given me a complete peace about where I'm going and what I'm doing.
I met some of the girls in my program when I visited Prague a few weeks ago, which was simultaneously a good and bad idea. Good because now I'll have familiar faces and a general idea of how they live over there. Bad because..well, the same reasons, sort of. I hoped to go in with no expectations at all (per ESI's suggestion), although I don't see how that is possible. I was encouraged because the girls were great; very honest as well, which is always appreciated.
Not that I was all smiles the whole time, as they all have their opinions on Ostrava. And I swear, one of them seemed to almost gloat about the fact that I'm apparently going to be miserable for the next year of my life being outside of Prague. You try to ignore stuff like that, but it starts to get to you after a while. But as she's telling me that there's basically nothing good about Ostrava, a somewhat snappy retort forms in my head out of nowhere: "Yeah, they didn't think anything good could come out of Nazareth either." The next day (when I finally had some spare time), the Lord led me to John 1:45-46:
"Philip found Nathanael and told him, 'We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote - Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.' 'Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?' Nathanael asked.
'Come and see,' said Philip."
As July 15 draws nearer, I've noticed more and more spiritual attacks in various forms, causing me to doubt my decision to go and to become bitter for my placement. Leaving Crosspoint has also caused me to wonder whether or not I should have stayed, since I am so passionate about that church and its people and it pains me greatly to say goodbye, even if its only for a year. But I've realized over the last few weeks that in all honesty, I know I'll be fine wherever I am. I've always felt I was pretty adaptable, and I see so much God in my going to Ostrava that I wonder why I was even upset in the first place. Even if everyone in my program told me Ostrava was terrible, why should I doubt God, who is so much bigger than that? I've studied for months about (if I may borrow from Beth Moore) how God is who He says He is. God can do what He says He can do. Who am I to question His decision? So now I go with a great peace that I have an all-powerful God going before me. Anxious? Excited? I'll probably feel those multiple times. Weak and unprepaired? Certainly. But "God does not call the equipped, he equips the called" (thanks Ken).
I met some of the girls in my program when I visited Prague a few weeks ago, which was simultaneously a good and bad idea. Good because now I'll have familiar faces and a general idea of how they live over there. Bad because..well, the same reasons, sort of. I hoped to go in with no expectations at all (per ESI's suggestion), although I don't see how that is possible. I was encouraged because the girls were great; very honest as well, which is always appreciated.
Not that I was all smiles the whole time, as they all have their opinions on Ostrava. And I swear, one of them seemed to almost gloat about the fact that I'm apparently going to be miserable for the next year of my life being outside of Prague. You try to ignore stuff like that, but it starts to get to you after a while. But as she's telling me that there's basically nothing good about Ostrava, a somewhat snappy retort forms in my head out of nowhere: "Yeah, they didn't think anything good could come out of Nazareth either." The next day (when I finally had some spare time), the Lord led me to John 1:45-46:
"Philip found Nathanael and told him, 'We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote - Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.' 'Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?' Nathanael asked.
'Come and see,' said Philip."
As July 15 draws nearer, I've noticed more and more spiritual attacks in various forms, causing me to doubt my decision to go and to become bitter for my placement. Leaving Crosspoint has also caused me to wonder whether or not I should have stayed, since I am so passionate about that church and its people and it pains me greatly to say goodbye, even if its only for a year. But I've realized over the last few weeks that in all honesty, I know I'll be fine wherever I am. I've always felt I was pretty adaptable, and I see so much God in my going to Ostrava that I wonder why I was even upset in the first place. Even if everyone in my program told me Ostrava was terrible, why should I doubt God, who is so much bigger than that? I've studied for months about (if I may borrow from Beth Moore) how God is who He says He is. God can do what He says He can do. Who am I to question His decision? So now I go with a great peace that I have an all-powerful God going before me. Anxious? Excited? I'll probably feel those multiple times. Weak and unprepaired? Certainly. But "God does not call the equipped, he equips the called" (thanks Ken).
# posted by Jessica @ 8:50 AM 
